I saw this on a blog once. I don't remember who's it was but I LOVED the idea and I promised I would do it for my little one when that time came. I'm going to do my best in these next 14 weeks to write a few letters to my sweet Emma.
Dear Emma,
I don't even know where to begin. Your daddy and I can't wait to meet you. We count down the months, the weeks, the days, the minutes. You are a precious gift to us and we are so thrilled that you will be coming into our lives soon. We prayed so hard for you and couldn't believe it after 12 hard months of trying that we finally succeeded. You're our little miracle. I struggled with hope, mostly because of what doctors and people would tell me and it terrified me. I almost thought you'd never come. But there was something that kept telling me not to give up. Because I know that God is more powerful than those doctors and my disorders. I still am in disbelief when I look at myself in the mirror and see my big belly haha. I smile so wide when I feel you moving around. When I first heard your heartbeat it was like music to my ears! I just thought to myself, "There really is a baby in there!" I remember when we got our ultrasound and I saw you, so perfect. When they told me, "It's a Girl!" and I sobbed. I was so thrilled! I loved watching you roll around and suck on your thumb. Your dad and I just looked at each other and said, "She's ours." I picture seeing you everyday! I can't even wait! But please don't hurt me haha. I love you so much already and I can't wait to dedicate my life to you. I know it's going to be hard but it's going to be worth it. Your dad loves you so much too. He's been working hard on your nursery and he talks about you ALL the time. He also takes good care of your mama. He calls you his little angel. It makes my heart full to hear that from him. You are going to be so loved little girl. And SO spoiled! Your grandma's are going to just adore the crap out of you! Haha. And I can't even imagine how your grandpa's are going to be. It's going to be crazy! First grandchild and a granddaughter! We're in big trouble! Your aunt and uncles can't wait to meet you either. They're really excited! Everyone is excited! You are so special, don't ever forget that. We love you and will give you the best we can. Any struggles we've had emotionally, physically, and financially have all been worth it because we know we'll have you!
Love you sweet girl. I don't think I can say that enough. We can't wait to cover you in kisses.
Love,
Your Mommy.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Catch up!
Wow! I am getting so bad about posting on here! Sometimes I forget that I have a blog. Oops! Must be the pregnancy brain ;).
So, I thought I would just catch everybody up on what's going on. As if I don't post enough on Facebook, right? Anyways, sweet little Emma is still doing good and just kickin away in my belly. She moves like CRAZY! It's amazing! It reassures me everyday that she is healthy and strong and it brings me so much joy. Also, I seriously grow more and more everyday. It's insane! Unfortunately I do have stretch marks :(. Dang you Mom! Stupid genetics! lol. But hopefully they will eventually fade. I've been using lotion like crazy but they say it doesn't always work and in my case it's not. But it's pretty crazy to see this belly on me. I'm not used to it and probably will never get used to it! It just stinks sometimes because I am limited to only a few outfits. Oh and FYI, Maternity clothes are expensive! Holy crap! And it's hard to find cute ones sometimes. That's probably one of the more frustrating things about pregnancy. That and peeing every 5 minutes...
We had a little bit of a scare this week. I was having really bad cramping and it was concerning me. I called the on call doctor and she told me not to worry because they were just growing pains. I said okay and tried to move on but I couldn't. There was just something nagging at me and the cramps just didn't feel right. I've had cramping during this pregnancy but these were different and not in a good way. I went to bed that night and then went to work the next morning and called the OB right at 9 and told them this was not normal and I'd like to get checked. They asked me more in depth questions about how I was feeling and decided to do a urine analysis. I smacked my head and was like OOOHHH!! I probably have a bladder infection!! I didn't even think about it. Sure enough I had a very bad UTI. They put me on an antibiotic and instructed me to rest for the next couple of days. Not doing anything is miserable by the way. I really feel for women who are put on bed rest for weeks or months. I pray that I don't have to endure it. I was going crazy just for a few days. But, I'm feeling better. I did have some spotting one day but my doctor assured me that's common with a UTI and sure enough it went away. I flipped though! Not going to lie. I have made a vow to drink more water and probably make cranberry juice a small part of my diet to try to hopefully prevent UTI's. Cause, that really sucked.
A lot of people will ask me what my cravings are so why not share?
I'm really digging french fries. I try not to give into that craving too much because it's not the healthiest but oh man is it good! haha. I also LOVE hot chocolate! We probably drive to 7-11 everyday to get me one. It's pretty bad. I'm a little obsessed. Also, I love a spoonful of peanut butter! I know that's kind of weird. But I just want the peanut butter! Not on bread, not on crackers, just peanut butter. Last but not least I loves me some cereal. I go through different kinds. I switch from Crunch Berries to Cheerios mostly. I'm sure I have more cravings but these are the ones that stick out to me the most. It's pretty crazy how intense these cravings are. It's literally all you can think about when you crave it. I can't stop talking about it or thinking about it until I have it. Lol.
Well, I'm gonna wrap this up. I need to get to bed. So I'll end with some more pictures of my growing belly! haha.
Oh and here's an updated photo of little Emma! :) Such a cutie already!
So, I thought I would just catch everybody up on what's going on. As if I don't post enough on Facebook, right? Anyways, sweet little Emma is still doing good and just kickin away in my belly. She moves like CRAZY! It's amazing! It reassures me everyday that she is healthy and strong and it brings me so much joy. Also, I seriously grow more and more everyday. It's insane! Unfortunately I do have stretch marks :(. Dang you Mom! Stupid genetics! lol. But hopefully they will eventually fade. I've been using lotion like crazy but they say it doesn't always work and in my case it's not. But it's pretty crazy to see this belly on me. I'm not used to it and probably will never get used to it! It just stinks sometimes because I am limited to only a few outfits. Oh and FYI, Maternity clothes are expensive! Holy crap! And it's hard to find cute ones sometimes. That's probably one of the more frustrating things about pregnancy. That and peeing every 5 minutes...
We had a little bit of a scare this week. I was having really bad cramping and it was concerning me. I called the on call doctor and she told me not to worry because they were just growing pains. I said okay and tried to move on but I couldn't. There was just something nagging at me and the cramps just didn't feel right. I've had cramping during this pregnancy but these were different and not in a good way. I went to bed that night and then went to work the next morning and called the OB right at 9 and told them this was not normal and I'd like to get checked. They asked me more in depth questions about how I was feeling and decided to do a urine analysis. I smacked my head and was like OOOHHH!! I probably have a bladder infection!! I didn't even think about it. Sure enough I had a very bad UTI. They put me on an antibiotic and instructed me to rest for the next couple of days. Not doing anything is miserable by the way. I really feel for women who are put on bed rest for weeks or months. I pray that I don't have to endure it. I was going crazy just for a few days. But, I'm feeling better. I did have some spotting one day but my doctor assured me that's common with a UTI and sure enough it went away. I flipped though! Not going to lie. I have made a vow to drink more water and probably make cranberry juice a small part of my diet to try to hopefully prevent UTI's. Cause, that really sucked.
A lot of people will ask me what my cravings are so why not share?
I'm really digging french fries. I try not to give into that craving too much because it's not the healthiest but oh man is it good! haha. I also LOVE hot chocolate! We probably drive to 7-11 everyday to get me one. It's pretty bad. I'm a little obsessed. Also, I love a spoonful of peanut butter! I know that's kind of weird. But I just want the peanut butter! Not on bread, not on crackers, just peanut butter. Last but not least I loves me some cereal. I go through different kinds. I switch from Crunch Berries to Cheerios mostly. I'm sure I have more cravings but these are the ones that stick out to me the most. It's pretty crazy how intense these cravings are. It's literally all you can think about when you crave it. I can't stop talking about it or thinking about it until I have it. Lol.
Well, I'm gonna wrap this up. I need to get to bed. So I'll end with some more pictures of my growing belly! haha.
Oh and here's an updated photo of little Emma! :) Such a cutie already!
Monday, January 14, 2013
Whoops!
I kind of dropped the ball on the blog here! I've either been working or too tired to take the time out to post on here! So, I'm sorry about that! Let's see if I can remember everything I want to tell everyone haha.
So pregnancy is still pretty great! I have suffered from some pretty bad headaches but 2 tylenol and a sip of Coke usually does the trick. I don't really like coke and I was hoping to avoid caffeine all together but what can you do? The headaches get so bad I can hardly function so I have to just do what I can. Especially since I can't take ibuprofen anymore which is normally my drug of choice!
Well as most of you know we found out that we're having a GIRL! We couldn't be more thrilled! I really wanted a girl, even though I told everyone I didn't really care. That was a lie. I mean of course if she was a boy I would still be very happy and love him just as much but I've always wanted a girl first. I was the oldest in my family so I like the idea of having a girl as the oldest cause I did a pretty dang good job of it! Who knows we may just end up with all girls....oh dear...haha. But that would be a blessing! Just as much of a blessing as the rest of our kids being boys! haha. But, our appointment to find out was pretty eventful. They told me to come with a full bladder and I may have started drinking too soon because we were 30 minutes early and I had to pee SO BAD! First of all we were on the opposite side of where the place was and we're walking around trying to find it which isn't helping my situation at all! Thankfully we found a map and so we jumped back in the car and headed in that direction. We walked into the lobby and I could not find a position to help relieve some of the pressure! It was seriously so bad! I've never had to pee so much in my life! haha. Dallas is laughing so hard at me and it's making me laugh so I'm like peeing my pants a little! haha. Thankfully they were ahead of schedule and got us in 15 minutes early. Once I laid down on the table it helped a little bit. Until, of course, she pushes the thingy right onto my bladder super hard and I'm like oh wonderful! Haha. Thankfully our sweet baby was super cooperative! They found it right away and said "It's a Girl!" I was seriously expecting them to say it was a boy for a second because the boy genes on the Reynolds side are pretty strong. So I was SHOCKED! I was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" And started crying and Dallas was right there rubbing my arm with tears in his eyes! So sweet. Then they proceeded to show us the rest of her. The minute they went to her face she was sucking her thumb! I was like OH MY GOSH! She was wiggling and rolling around in there. It was so amazing to see. She looks perfect! I was on cloud 9 the whole time. I totally forgot I had to go to the bathroom still haha. Here's some of the Ultrasound Pictures of her. She was flipped upside down and curled in a ball by the time they got pictures of her.
So pregnancy is still pretty great! I have suffered from some pretty bad headaches but 2 tylenol and a sip of Coke usually does the trick. I don't really like coke and I was hoping to avoid caffeine all together but what can you do? The headaches get so bad I can hardly function so I have to just do what I can. Especially since I can't take ibuprofen anymore which is normally my drug of choice!
Well as most of you know we found out that we're having a GIRL! We couldn't be more thrilled! I really wanted a girl, even though I told everyone I didn't really care. That was a lie. I mean of course if she was a boy I would still be very happy and love him just as much but I've always wanted a girl first. I was the oldest in my family so I like the idea of having a girl as the oldest cause I did a pretty dang good job of it! Who knows we may just end up with all girls....oh dear...haha. But that would be a blessing! Just as much of a blessing as the rest of our kids being boys! haha. But, our appointment to find out was pretty eventful. They told me to come with a full bladder and I may have started drinking too soon because we were 30 minutes early and I had to pee SO BAD! First of all we were on the opposite side of where the place was and we're walking around trying to find it which isn't helping my situation at all! Thankfully we found a map and so we jumped back in the car and headed in that direction. We walked into the lobby and I could not find a position to help relieve some of the pressure! It was seriously so bad! I've never had to pee so much in my life! haha. Dallas is laughing so hard at me and it's making me laugh so I'm like peeing my pants a little! haha. Thankfully they were ahead of schedule and got us in 15 minutes early. Once I laid down on the table it helped a little bit. Until, of course, she pushes the thingy right onto my bladder super hard and I'm like oh wonderful! Haha. Thankfully our sweet baby was super cooperative! They found it right away and said "It's a Girl!" I was seriously expecting them to say it was a boy for a second because the boy genes on the Reynolds side are pretty strong. So I was SHOCKED! I was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" And started crying and Dallas was right there rubbing my arm with tears in his eyes! So sweet. Then they proceeded to show us the rest of her. The minute they went to her face she was sucking her thumb! I was like OH MY GOSH! She was wiggling and rolling around in there. It was so amazing to see. She looks perfect! I was on cloud 9 the whole time. I totally forgot I had to go to the bathroom still haha. Here's some of the Ultrasound Pictures of her. She was flipped upside down and curled in a ball by the time they got pictures of her.
So cooperative! That's my girl!
I feel like I've been growing at a pretty rapid rate! I started showing at about 13 1/2, 14 weeks and I feel like I get bigger EVERYDAY! lol. I kind of expected it. I mean have you seen my husband? He is not a small man! haha. But I've been taking pictures of my belly every week to show my progress! So here are some belly pictures!
For some reason the one for 14 weeks won't upload right on here! Sorry!
Also we made a super cute video for the gender reveal but it's not going to let me upload it :(. But here is a picture for it that we quite like!
We had a really cute and fun Gender reveal party on the day we found out! It was a lot of fun and everyone was super excited and shocked at the reveal! I think most people thought we were having a boy! The party was stressful to plan but it was well worth it! It turned out super cute. I always saw it on pinterest so I really wanted to throw one!
We appreciate all of the wonderful support we've had. Everyone has been so great! Of course there are the negative nancy's and debby downers that share their obnoxious views and opinions. I know some people mean well, but just know they're not welcome lol. So, please try to keep it to yourself. I would have the same respect for you. Other than that thank you again everyone! We love you all!
Monday, December 3, 2012
First Trimester!
This has been a ride! Pregnancy really is a wonderful gift that women have been given and I truly cherish it! But there are definitely some pro's and con's to pregnancy haha! I have loved every second of this journey so far. (Ok, not EVERY second) But, no body really warns you about the weird stuff that happens during pregnancy haha. Probably because they don't want to talk about it......I don't blame them. But, I am not one of those keep to myself kind of people! Let me tell you some of the "fun" stuff I've endured so far!
First of all I haven't had really any morning sickness! Thank heavens! I have had my moments where, if I don't eat something right when I'm hungry I get a little gaggy but nothing like, "Move out of the way! She's gonna blow!", type of stuff haha. I thank Heavenly Father for this blessing because I HATE throwing up and I HATE feeling sick. He probably knows that I'm a huge baby and that I will drive Dallas crazy with my constant whining and that I would probably use it as a constant excuse to not go to work......lol.
I am exhausted! And I mean exhausted! I just want to lay around and sleep a majority of the time! Which, when I have free tim,e that's pretty much what I do. Thank goodness for an understanding husband. He just lets me. He probably knows that if he didn't though he'd receive my wrath and he has openly admitted that he is scared of me right now haha. Our house was a mess for a week because I didn't have the energy to do anything. I didn't even have enough energy to care. Normally our house is spotless but I just couldn't muster it up. (I'm looking forward to the nesting stage, not gonna lie). Thankfully Dallas has stepped up and taken over the wifely duties or it would look like an episode of Hoarders over here! Okay, maybe not that bad.
I am breaking out like I'm in high school again! Seriously! No one told me about that! I had to go figure out why that was happening! Thankfully it's just on my chest so no one can really see it but oh my gosh it is annoying! I haven't had a zit since high school and now all of a sudden it's zit city......yay......
I can't lay in bed for more than 15 minutes without having to pee. I mean I could go 2 hours without drinking anything before bed and it doesn't freaking matter. I lay down, I get comfortable, I have to get right back up and go pee! This is probably my most annoying symptom! Haha.
I have mood swings! Yesterday I was in a bad mood. Do I have a reason? Nope, I was just mad. And I didn't like people. But, Dallas says pregnancy really suits me. He says this is the best I've ever been with my mood and eating habits and such. I must have been an emotional mess before that! Sorry babe! haha
I'm not going to get started on the constipation. Just know it's there and it's not fun haha.
There are other symptoms that I'm not going to delve into because they can be uncomfortable to describe! haha. But yes, my chest hurts. Yes, I had to buy a new bra after just having got a new one 2 months ago because that one doesn't fit anymore. Yes, I have more.....cough, cough.......gas.....K, I think we're good! haha
We get to here Smush's heartbeat on the 13th and I am SOOO excited! I can't even tell you! And then Dallas and I have decided to go and get a 4D ultrasound to find out the gender around Christmas because we don't want to wait til 20 weeks because we are impatient!
Yes I have had cravings. A majority of the time I want cereal! I loves me some fries and mashed potatoes but I try not to give into those cravings too much. I love grapes, clementines, and pickles of course. I crave root beer a lot but, again, I try not to give into that one.
I hate meat! I can stand to eat chicken sometimes but anything else..keep it away from me! haha. I do not like sweets! Sweets like cakes, cookies, ice creams. All that good stuff that people love! Yup, don't bring it to me because I won't eat it.
I have been showing a little bit but it's not really obvious to anyone but Dallas and I. I'm not going to lie! I can't wait til I get a big ol' bump! haha!
We are so excited for this baby! We can't wait til we can hold them in our arms and take care of them! We love you all and are excited to take you on this journey with us!
First of all I haven't had really any morning sickness! Thank heavens! I have had my moments where, if I don't eat something right when I'm hungry I get a little gaggy but nothing like, "Move out of the way! She's gonna blow!", type of stuff haha. I thank Heavenly Father for this blessing because I HATE throwing up and I HATE feeling sick. He probably knows that I'm a huge baby and that I will drive Dallas crazy with my constant whining and that I would probably use it as a constant excuse to not go to work......lol.
I am exhausted! And I mean exhausted! I just want to lay around and sleep a majority of the time! Which, when I have free tim,e that's pretty much what I do. Thank goodness for an understanding husband. He just lets me. He probably knows that if he didn't though he'd receive my wrath and he has openly admitted that he is scared of me right now haha. Our house was a mess for a week because I didn't have the energy to do anything. I didn't even have enough energy to care. Normally our house is spotless but I just couldn't muster it up. (I'm looking forward to the nesting stage, not gonna lie). Thankfully Dallas has stepped up and taken over the wifely duties or it would look like an episode of Hoarders over here! Okay, maybe not that bad.
I am breaking out like I'm in high school again! Seriously! No one told me about that! I had to go figure out why that was happening! Thankfully it's just on my chest so no one can really see it but oh my gosh it is annoying! I haven't had a zit since high school and now all of a sudden it's zit city......yay......
I can't lay in bed for more than 15 minutes without having to pee. I mean I could go 2 hours without drinking anything before bed and it doesn't freaking matter. I lay down, I get comfortable, I have to get right back up and go pee! This is probably my most annoying symptom! Haha.
I have mood swings! Yesterday I was in a bad mood. Do I have a reason? Nope, I was just mad. And I didn't like people. But, Dallas says pregnancy really suits me. He says this is the best I've ever been with my mood and eating habits and such. I must have been an emotional mess before that! Sorry babe! haha
I'm not going to get started on the constipation. Just know it's there and it's not fun haha.
There are other symptoms that I'm not going to delve into because they can be uncomfortable to describe! haha. But yes, my chest hurts. Yes, I had to buy a new bra after just having got a new one 2 months ago because that one doesn't fit anymore. Yes, I have more.....cough, cough.......gas.....K, I think we're good! haha
We get to here Smush's heartbeat on the 13th and I am SOOO excited! I can't even tell you! And then Dallas and I have decided to go and get a 4D ultrasound to find out the gender around Christmas because we don't want to wait til 20 weeks because we are impatient!
Yes I have had cravings. A majority of the time I want cereal! I loves me some fries and mashed potatoes but I try not to give into those cravings too much. I love grapes, clementines, and pickles of course. I crave root beer a lot but, again, I try not to give into that one.
I hate meat! I can stand to eat chicken sometimes but anything else..keep it away from me! haha. I do not like sweets! Sweets like cakes, cookies, ice creams. All that good stuff that people love! Yup, don't bring it to me because I won't eat it.
I have been showing a little bit but it's not really obvious to anyone but Dallas and I. I'm not going to lie! I can't wait til I get a big ol' bump! haha!
We are so excited for this baby! We can't wait til we can hold them in our arms and take care of them! We love you all and are excited to take you on this journey with us!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
We're having a baby!
Can you believe it?? We are finally receiving our little blessing and we couldn't be MORE thrilled about it! We have been praying fervently for this and the Lord has answered our prayers. I'm sorry I haven't posted on here for a while but I knew I would give it away some how if I did. I'm surprised no one suspected anything because of the lack of posting lol.
So, I guess y'all want to hear the story? Well first of all, it's funny cause the last post was made the day before I found out! So, I was obviously dead wrong haha. Anyway, I was driving home from work when I had this feeling to take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to because I had been cramping for a couple of days even though the cramping felt kind of odd. It wasn't like my normal period cramping. But the feeling I had got stronger that I needed to take a test so I gave in and bough one. I drove home and went and took the test and I put it on the counter and went into the kitchen. I had HUGE butterflies in my stomach. Why was I doing this to myself? I knew it was going to be negative. I really REALLY did not want to look at it because I could not handle another negative test. So, I straightened up the house a little bit and just kind of paced around and then I finally decided to go look. I walked in the bathroom looking up at the ceiling and when I looked down at the test I saw a second line! WHAT?! I was freaking out! I was screaming "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" Poor Koda had his ears flat on his head and was like what's going on? haha. I was like I can't believe I'm not crying! I then realized that my face was soaking wet. I was crying! I was just so overcome with shock and euphoria that I didn't even realize it! I snapped myself out of it and remembered, "Okay I can't just take one test!" So I took the other one and went into my room and waited. I came back like 2 minutes later and there it was! A second line again! HOLY CRAP! I AM PREGNANT!! It finally worked! We finally did it! haha. Dallas was at school and I was freaking out! I also had my visiting teachers coming over in 30 minutes. Poor things I was acting so weird. I was shaking and had a huge smile on my face. They were probably like, "What is wrong with this girl." I kept texting Dallas "Come home!" He was confused. I'm surprised he didn't catch on. Finally he walked in the door like an hour and a half after I found out and, yeah I was dying, I gave him a little gift bag. He opened it and out fell the pregnancy tests. He looked at the tests, then at me, then at the tests, then at me haha. He didn't say a single word. He just started to tear up and hugged me. Finally he said "How do you feel?" Haha. He's so cute!
I called my mom and told her that she and Dad needed to get on skype. As soon as they did I held up the test and said, "I'm pregnant!" They were like NO WAY! haha. My dad's reaction was funny. He just sat there with wide eyes, his hair getting grayer by the second. We talked for a while and my mom gave me some advice. Then Dallas and I went to Walgreens and found a card with Justin Bieber on the front and when you opened it, it sang "Baby, Baby, Baby Oh!" So we wrote on the front "Guess what? We're having a..." Shannon jumped up and hugged me and started crying and Bryan was just like "That's awesome!"
I was 4 weeks when I found out and I went in for blood tests immediately cause I had issues getting pregnant in the first place. They found my progesterone levels were dropping slowly so they put me on progesterone cream. I feel now that I was having that feeling to take a pregnancy test because I needed to be put on progesterone to make sure the baby was okay. We got an Ultrasound at 8 weeks and saw our perfect little peanut with it's wonderful heartbeat! So baby is doing great! We can't wait to find out what we're having! haha We're so impatient. I am now 9 weeks and will be 10 weeks on Wednesday!
We feel so blessed to be bringing this baby into our lives! We know it was all on the Lord's time and that He has a plan for us. We feel really good about this pregnancy and that everything will be okay. We know we are meant to have this baby! We appreciate all of the AMAZING support we've had and the prayers! They did the trick. Thank you to everyone for the well wishes! We are so excited! We have plenty more posts to come to talk about our "little smush!" (That's our nickname for baby until we find out what we're having! haha) We love you all and continue to pray for those who are still struggling to have a baby of their own. You are not alone and we know what you're going through. The Lord truly has a plan for all of us. People with PCOS and Endometriosis there is definitely hope! Technology now a days is amazing! Whether through a fertility specialist or a place like "The Health Spot", which worked for us! Again thank you all and love to everyone! :)
So, I guess y'all want to hear the story? Well first of all, it's funny cause the last post was made the day before I found out! So, I was obviously dead wrong haha. Anyway, I was driving home from work when I had this feeling to take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to because I had been cramping for a couple of days even though the cramping felt kind of odd. It wasn't like my normal period cramping. But the feeling I had got stronger that I needed to take a test so I gave in and bough one. I drove home and went and took the test and I put it on the counter and went into the kitchen. I had HUGE butterflies in my stomach. Why was I doing this to myself? I knew it was going to be negative. I really REALLY did not want to look at it because I could not handle another negative test. So, I straightened up the house a little bit and just kind of paced around and then I finally decided to go look. I walked in the bathroom looking up at the ceiling and when I looked down at the test I saw a second line! WHAT?! I was freaking out! I was screaming "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" Poor Koda had his ears flat on his head and was like what's going on? haha. I was like I can't believe I'm not crying! I then realized that my face was soaking wet. I was crying! I was just so overcome with shock and euphoria that I didn't even realize it! I snapped myself out of it and remembered, "Okay I can't just take one test!" So I took the other one and went into my room and waited. I came back like 2 minutes later and there it was! A second line again! HOLY CRAP! I AM PREGNANT!! It finally worked! We finally did it! haha. Dallas was at school and I was freaking out! I also had my visiting teachers coming over in 30 minutes. Poor things I was acting so weird. I was shaking and had a huge smile on my face. They were probably like, "What is wrong with this girl." I kept texting Dallas "Come home!" He was confused. I'm surprised he didn't catch on. Finally he walked in the door like an hour and a half after I found out and, yeah I was dying, I gave him a little gift bag. He opened it and out fell the pregnancy tests. He looked at the tests, then at me, then at the tests, then at me haha. He didn't say a single word. He just started to tear up and hugged me. Finally he said "How do you feel?" Haha. He's so cute!
I called my mom and told her that she and Dad needed to get on skype. As soon as they did I held up the test and said, "I'm pregnant!" They were like NO WAY! haha. My dad's reaction was funny. He just sat there with wide eyes, his hair getting grayer by the second. We talked for a while and my mom gave me some advice. Then Dallas and I went to Walgreens and found a card with Justin Bieber on the front and when you opened it, it sang "Baby, Baby, Baby Oh!" So we wrote on the front "Guess what? We're having a..." Shannon jumped up and hugged me and started crying and Bryan was just like "That's awesome!"
I was 4 weeks when I found out and I went in for blood tests immediately cause I had issues getting pregnant in the first place. They found my progesterone levels were dropping slowly so they put me on progesterone cream. I feel now that I was having that feeling to take a pregnancy test because I needed to be put on progesterone to make sure the baby was okay. We got an Ultrasound at 8 weeks and saw our perfect little peanut with it's wonderful heartbeat! So baby is doing great! We can't wait to find out what we're having! haha We're so impatient. I am now 9 weeks and will be 10 weeks on Wednesday!
We feel so blessed to be bringing this baby into our lives! We know it was all on the Lord's time and that He has a plan for us. We feel really good about this pregnancy and that everything will be okay. We know we are meant to have this baby! We appreciate all of the AMAZING support we've had and the prayers! They did the trick. Thank you to everyone for the well wishes! We are so excited! We have plenty more posts to come to talk about our "little smush!" (That's our nickname for baby until we find out what we're having! haha) We love you all and continue to pray for those who are still struggling to have a baby of their own. You are not alone and we know what you're going through. The Lord truly has a plan for all of us. People with PCOS and Endometriosis there is definitely hope! Technology now a days is amazing! Whether through a fertility specialist or a place like "The Health Spot", which worked for us! Again thank you all and love to everyone! :)
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
STUPID COMPUTERS!
Seriously! Computers piss me off! I have been trying to post for days now but our web browser wouldn't let me pull up my blog. ?!?!? Because it's stupid! I was so irritated! We had to uninstall and re install the browser for it to let me access certain things. I could have just posted on the iPad, but you know me. I ramble and it would take me hours to post on that thing. I would just be sitting there poking at the screen trying to make a sentence. Nope, not happenin. I am too lazy for that crap. So I just waited until we could fix the problem on our precious laptop. But seriously, we need to replace this thing. The webcam doesn't work anymore cause something came loose so I can't skype with my fam. Some of the USB ports don't work and it's getting a little slow. We've had to get this fixed so many times, it's just, it's time! I'm becoming exasperated! I wish I were rich or had a fairy godmother so that I could wish for a Macbook Pro or Air. But nope, I am poor and I can't afford that stuff. Boo.
Well now I am done with my computer rant :). So, who watched General Conference? I DID! Let me just tell you, President Eyring's talk was EXACTLY what I needed. Wow, I cried like a little baby. Seriously. Like the snot and tears running down my face and staining my shirt kind of crying. It was cute. Ok, on a more serious note his talk really was beautiful. I really did need it and the tears were really flowin. It changed my outlook a lot. Well, kind of because I am human and I did get extremely angry last night cause I'm cramping so I'm not prego and I also can't handle peoples UNBELIEVABLE insensitivity anymore! Seriously, if I hear one more person say that they don't really feel ready to be a mom and their pregnant or ask me if we're still even trying?!?! Are you kidding me?! Who asks that? Yes, moron, we are still trying! Sorry we didn't get as lucky as you two fertile folks and get pregnant right away. But with some people it takes a little longer. Which by the way if you're not keeping count like I am it's been a year! Whoa dang! I remember a year ago when my obgyn was like, "When you've been trying for a year come back in and we'll start looking into some options." and I just laughed and though oh no of course not. That won't be us. We'll definitely be pregnant before than. BOY WAS I WRONG! lol. But it's ok. The Lord has a different time table than I do. I need to trust him. But, I'm far from perfect and will probably continue to have my moments of anger and bitterness.
Let me just tell you though. My husband has been my absolute rock through all of this! He has been amazing! He holds me every time I cry and he doesn't say a word. He knows what he says won't make my PCOS go away or this trial go away and I'm grateful that he knows that I just need a shoulder to cry on. He takes me to do things all the time to keep me busy and keep my mind off of it. He took me to a pumpkin patch on Saturday because he listens to my constant complaints about us needing to do more fun holiday stuff lol. He was a good sport when we walked through Gardener Village because I just wanted to do something girly. He really did not want to see Pitch Perfect but I begged him and he took me because he knew it would make me happy (and he loved it) :). He will kiss me just because he loves me and he'll tell me I'm pretty without asking for something after like a new phone lol. This is one of the most difficult trials I have ever had to go through and I really don't think I could still keep my sanity if he weren't around. I'm sure it gets on his everlasting nerves to hear me complain every month that I'm not pregnant and say "Life's so not fair" or complain anytime I see a young girl with a big pregnant belly walk by. He just sits there and lets me rant and then says, "I know sweetie. But our time will come." He is just wonderful and I thank the Lord every single day for him. He has made me stronger and just an all around better person. Seriously, I am my absolute best with him. I love him more than life.
So, one last thing. I have made a decision and it's kind of a hard one but I know it's the right one. The Health Spot has truly helped me in more ways than I thought was possible. But, I will be doing this regimen I'm on for one more month and then I will be switching to Clomid if I'm not pregnant by then. The Health Spot does not take insurance to cover the supplements and this has taken much longer than was anticipated and has cost us a lot of money and we need to be saving up our money now in case we have to start looking into surgery, IUI, or IVF. Hopefully the Clomid will work before we have to start delving into that stuff. But we have to be financially prepared in case we have to. So prayers for us that this new approach will work for us. I will continue to take certain supplements to keep my anxiety and stress under control. But for my hormonal issues it's time to move on for now. Hopefully some day when we have more money I can go back. :)
Well now I am done with my computer rant :). So, who watched General Conference? I DID! Let me just tell you, President Eyring's talk was EXACTLY what I needed. Wow, I cried like a little baby. Seriously. Like the snot and tears running down my face and staining my shirt kind of crying. It was cute. Ok, on a more serious note his talk really was beautiful. I really did need it and the tears were really flowin. It changed my outlook a lot. Well, kind of because I am human and I did get extremely angry last night cause I'm cramping so I'm not prego and I also can't handle peoples UNBELIEVABLE insensitivity anymore! Seriously, if I hear one more person say that they don't really feel ready to be a mom and their pregnant or ask me if we're still even trying?!?! Are you kidding me?! Who asks that? Yes, moron, we are still trying! Sorry we didn't get as lucky as you two fertile folks and get pregnant right away. But with some people it takes a little longer. Which by the way if you're not keeping count like I am it's been a year! Whoa dang! I remember a year ago when my obgyn was like, "When you've been trying for a year come back in and we'll start looking into some options." and I just laughed and though oh no of course not. That won't be us. We'll definitely be pregnant before than. BOY WAS I WRONG! lol. But it's ok. The Lord has a different time table than I do. I need to trust him. But, I'm far from perfect and will probably continue to have my moments of anger and bitterness.
Let me just tell you though. My husband has been my absolute rock through all of this! He has been amazing! He holds me every time I cry and he doesn't say a word. He knows what he says won't make my PCOS go away or this trial go away and I'm grateful that he knows that I just need a shoulder to cry on. He takes me to do things all the time to keep me busy and keep my mind off of it. He took me to a pumpkin patch on Saturday because he listens to my constant complaints about us needing to do more fun holiday stuff lol. He was a good sport when we walked through Gardener Village because I just wanted to do something girly. He really did not want to see Pitch Perfect but I begged him and he took me because he knew it would make me happy (and he loved it) :). He will kiss me just because he loves me and he'll tell me I'm pretty without asking for something after like a new phone lol. This is one of the most difficult trials I have ever had to go through and I really don't think I could still keep my sanity if he weren't around. I'm sure it gets on his everlasting nerves to hear me complain every month that I'm not pregnant and say "Life's so not fair" or complain anytime I see a young girl with a big pregnant belly walk by. He just sits there and lets me rant and then says, "I know sweetie. But our time will come." He is just wonderful and I thank the Lord every single day for him. He has made me stronger and just an all around better person. Seriously, I am my absolute best with him. I love him more than life.
So, one last thing. I have made a decision and it's kind of a hard one but I know it's the right one. The Health Spot has truly helped me in more ways than I thought was possible. But, I will be doing this regimen I'm on for one more month and then I will be switching to Clomid if I'm not pregnant by then. The Health Spot does not take insurance to cover the supplements and this has taken much longer than was anticipated and has cost us a lot of money and we need to be saving up our money now in case we have to start looking into surgery, IUI, or IVF. Hopefully the Clomid will work before we have to start delving into that stuff. But we have to be financially prepared in case we have to. So prayers for us that this new approach will work for us. I will continue to take certain supplements to keep my anxiety and stress under control. But for my hormonal issues it's time to move on for now. Hopefully some day when we have more money I can go back. :)
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Infertility
I have decided to write a post directed to infertility. To kind of give some people an insight on how it feels to be a person that can not conceive without help or possibly can not conceive at all. I've been debating about writing this for a while because I can't speak for everyone. But I can speak from my experience and how I feel being a woman suffering from infertility.
For those of you who don't know I have been diagnosed with PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Which is a disorder that causes you not to release a mature egg each month (aka ovulation) so it forms a cyst instead. It mimics diabetes because you are insulin resistant. So I have been deemed infertile because I am unable to conceive without medical help.
I've heard infertility being called a "silent epidemic" Women and also men, yes there are men out there who do suffer from infertility, are reluctant to tell anyone about their infertility for lots of reasons, but when they keep it inside, they suffer alone. Infertility is a lonely place. It is a huge struggle that if you're not willing to share or confront that can be more than devastating. I have a spouse by my side who is unfortunately also suffering from this, even though he is not infertile and perfectly healthy, and I still feel alone sometimes. Not because he hasn't been there for me because he has. He has been my rock and my shoulder to cry on during this whole thing and I have for him on some days when he can't be strong for the both of us.
Why is infertility so hard? Here are some summarized reasons as to why:
If you are undergoing infertility treatment, your heart and soul aches for a baby. And I mean aches. Your heart is ripped to shreds every month when your hopes are up and then you find out that another month of your life has passed without your dream becoming a reality.
Your body is completely invaded. You are prodded, poked, inspected....every month. Sometimes every week. I've had my blood drawn. I've had cultures. I've had Transvaginal ultrasounds. Not my idea of a fun time people. Not at all.
You can become bitterly jealous, angry, and even resentful. I have to check myself at the door every so often. It's no one's fault that I'm not able to get pregnant. If I'm having a difficult day it will seem like every woman I see is pregnant or has a new born baby. I want to ask people sometimes, "did you even have to try?" or, "do you know what it's like to have your heart wrecked every single month?" On a really hard day, I'll just close the door or lay on my couch, put my head in my hands, and just cry until I'm numb.
People don't know what to say or they don't even know and they come across as insensitive. Everyone is sure that they have the answer or the "magic cure" that will help you have a baby, but no amount of vacationing can heal this particular medical condition. If you are battling infertility, try to have a little grace for people you thinks are being insensitive. I know I have to remind myself to give them a pass because even though I feel like they're intentionally being the biggest most insensitive jerk in the world, lol, they're really not. They don't know. So have grace for them and I'm sure they'll have a little grace for you when you have your bitter moments.
It seems sooo unfair. If you know you would be a good mother (or if you're battling with secondary infertility and know you are a good mother). If your heart yearns for a lot of children, a big family, that you can love and nurture. I fyou know that you will do your best to teach your children how to be productive, respectful, loving, empathetic, adorable little creatures. If you see people around you who don't appreciate their children. Then you start to wonder how life can just be so unfair. Why you got handed the crap card in this particular area. You're a good person right?
People just don't understand. Unless people go through it or until they do, heaven forbid, they don't get it. You WANT people to understand, but you would never wish this torment on anyone, not even your worst enemy. So you suffer alone so that you won't seem whiney and depressed.
It is an emotional roller coaster. Ever month, you go through stages of grief just in the nick of time to come out on the other side and be hopeful again. Even optimistic. And every month, your hope is thrashed. You realize that you are-once again- just as far from holding your new precious baby as you were last month...or last year.
It's hard on your marriage. Dallas and I have a solid marriage, and we have had moments of just-not-on-the-same-page because of infertility. It's not easy to hold each other up when you're just so tired from holding yourself up.
You find yourself ignoring the happy announcements of other people. "We weren't even trying!" "We're having our 12th baby! Yay! We are so fertile!" or "I know we just had a baby yesterday, but we're PREGNANT AGAIN!"........Some days are always harder than others, but during this journey, I have learned a few important things:
1. Family is not a number. No matter how many children Dallas and I have or if we have children, our family started the day we sat across from each other at the alter and became husband and wife. No matter how many children we have, our family has been complete since March 5th, 2010.
2. I am not alone. Every time I open up about this on here or to someone in person, I hear a story like mine. I am fortunate enough to have a few people who are going through or have been through the same thing. We call, text, or talk on facebook quite frequently.
3. There is hope. When things can't get any darker, they can only get brighter from there.
If you are facing infertility, I pray with all my soul that you will have as many children as you want and that your days of waiting for your precious miracle are numbered. I pray the same thing for myself. I know what it feels like to cry or yell or scream when someone updates their facebook status with, "Hey, GUESS WHAT?!", and I KNOW what it feels like to mourn someone who never was. I know that no one really and truly understands what you're going through...and I hope and pray they NEVER do. I know the very last things you want to hear are, "if you stop thinking about it and/or adopt you'll get pregnant...I have an aunt/dog/cousin/co worker/hairstylist who did it that way!" and "Don't worry, this is all part of God's plan." I have become an expert on smiling and nodding when someone asks, "Aren't you guys going to have kids soon?" Intense desire for something coupled with the inability to fulfill that desire is life's most painful combination. I truly am so thankful for what I have. I don't deserve a lot of good things in my life. But "deserving" and "desiring" are two different things.
I've already talked about in one of my posts that I don't want pity. I most definitely don't want to ruin anyone's happiness when they're getting ready to welcome a new little one into the world. I certainly don't want people walking on eggshells around me because of what I'm going through. I'd much rather hear, "This really sucks...I'm so sorry." than anything else anyone could say.
I guess we wouldn't appreciate the good things in life if we didn't have go through the bad things. No one wants to endure painful trials, but we all do and unfortunately that's part of living in this world. And assuming we make it through, we all come out with tougher skin on the other side, even though there may be a few battle scars. Every piece of my infertility struggle has been a personal nightmare. After each moment has passed, I realize how much stronger I have become and that's it's going to be ok. Hellish as it is. Infertility is not my story, but it's a part of my story. Hopefully a part of my story that will only be a painful memory and that I will be able to chase our little children around until I'm old and gray.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for praying. And thanks for the support.
For those of you who don't know I have been diagnosed with PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Which is a disorder that causes you not to release a mature egg each month (aka ovulation) so it forms a cyst instead. It mimics diabetes because you are insulin resistant. So I have been deemed infertile because I am unable to conceive without medical help.
I've heard infertility being called a "silent epidemic" Women and also men, yes there are men out there who do suffer from infertility, are reluctant to tell anyone about their infertility for lots of reasons, but when they keep it inside, they suffer alone. Infertility is a lonely place. It is a huge struggle that if you're not willing to share or confront that can be more than devastating. I have a spouse by my side who is unfortunately also suffering from this, even though he is not infertile and perfectly healthy, and I still feel alone sometimes. Not because he hasn't been there for me because he has. He has been my rock and my shoulder to cry on during this whole thing and I have for him on some days when he can't be strong for the both of us.
Why is infertility so hard? Here are some summarized reasons as to why:
If you are undergoing infertility treatment, your heart and soul aches for a baby. And I mean aches. Your heart is ripped to shreds every month when your hopes are up and then you find out that another month of your life has passed without your dream becoming a reality.
Your body is completely invaded. You are prodded, poked, inspected....every month. Sometimes every week. I've had my blood drawn. I've had cultures. I've had Transvaginal ultrasounds. Not my idea of a fun time people. Not at all.
You can become bitterly jealous, angry, and even resentful. I have to check myself at the door every so often. It's no one's fault that I'm not able to get pregnant. If I'm having a difficult day it will seem like every woman I see is pregnant or has a new born baby. I want to ask people sometimes, "did you even have to try?" or, "do you know what it's like to have your heart wrecked every single month?" On a really hard day, I'll just close the door or lay on my couch, put my head in my hands, and just cry until I'm numb.
People don't know what to say or they don't even know and they come across as insensitive. Everyone is sure that they have the answer or the "magic cure" that will help you have a baby, but no amount of vacationing can heal this particular medical condition. If you are battling infertility, try to have a little grace for people you thinks are being insensitive. I know I have to remind myself to give them a pass because even though I feel like they're intentionally being the biggest most insensitive jerk in the world, lol, they're really not. They don't know. So have grace for them and I'm sure they'll have a little grace for you when you have your bitter moments.
It seems sooo unfair. If you know you would be a good mother (or if you're battling with secondary infertility and know you are a good mother). If your heart yearns for a lot of children, a big family, that you can love and nurture. I fyou know that you will do your best to teach your children how to be productive, respectful, loving, empathetic, adorable little creatures. If you see people around you who don't appreciate their children. Then you start to wonder how life can just be so unfair. Why you got handed the crap card in this particular area. You're a good person right?
People just don't understand. Unless people go through it or until they do, heaven forbid, they don't get it. You WANT people to understand, but you would never wish this torment on anyone, not even your worst enemy. So you suffer alone so that you won't seem whiney and depressed.
It is an emotional roller coaster. Ever month, you go through stages of grief just in the nick of time to come out on the other side and be hopeful again. Even optimistic. And every month, your hope is thrashed. You realize that you are-once again- just as far from holding your new precious baby as you were last month...or last year.
It's hard on your marriage. Dallas and I have a solid marriage, and we have had moments of just-not-on-the-same-page because of infertility. It's not easy to hold each other up when you're just so tired from holding yourself up.
You find yourself ignoring the happy announcements of other people. "We weren't even trying!" "We're having our 12th baby! Yay! We are so fertile!" or "I know we just had a baby yesterday, but we're PREGNANT AGAIN!"........Some days are always harder than others, but during this journey, I have learned a few important things:
1. Family is not a number. No matter how many children Dallas and I have or if we have children, our family started the day we sat across from each other at the alter and became husband and wife. No matter how many children we have, our family has been complete since March 5th, 2010.
2. I am not alone. Every time I open up about this on here or to someone in person, I hear a story like mine. I am fortunate enough to have a few people who are going through or have been through the same thing. We call, text, or talk on facebook quite frequently.
3. There is hope. When things can't get any darker, they can only get brighter from there.
If you are facing infertility, I pray with all my soul that you will have as many children as you want and that your days of waiting for your precious miracle are numbered. I pray the same thing for myself. I know what it feels like to cry or yell or scream when someone updates their facebook status with, "Hey, GUESS WHAT?!", and I KNOW what it feels like to mourn someone who never was. I know that no one really and truly understands what you're going through...and I hope and pray they NEVER do. I know the very last things you want to hear are, "if you stop thinking about it and/or adopt you'll get pregnant...I have an aunt/dog/cousin/co worker/hairstylist who did it that way!" and "Don't worry, this is all part of God's plan." I have become an expert on smiling and nodding when someone asks, "Aren't you guys going to have kids soon?" Intense desire for something coupled with the inability to fulfill that desire is life's most painful combination. I truly am so thankful for what I have. I don't deserve a lot of good things in my life. But "deserving" and "desiring" are two different things.
I've already talked about in one of my posts that I don't want pity. I most definitely don't want to ruin anyone's happiness when they're getting ready to welcome a new little one into the world. I certainly don't want people walking on eggshells around me because of what I'm going through. I'd much rather hear, "This really sucks...I'm so sorry." than anything else anyone could say.
I guess we wouldn't appreciate the good things in life if we didn't have go through the bad things. No one wants to endure painful trials, but we all do and unfortunately that's part of living in this world. And assuming we make it through, we all come out with tougher skin on the other side, even though there may be a few battle scars. Every piece of my infertility struggle has been a personal nightmare. After each moment has passed, I realize how much stronger I have become and that's it's going to be ok. Hellish as it is. Infertility is not my story, but it's a part of my story. Hopefully a part of my story that will only be a painful memory and that I will be able to chase our little children around until I'm old and gray.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for praying. And thanks for the support.
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